The Examples

I am one of those people who is always trying to better myself, learn something new or experience something new. So since I am in this state of "singleness" I really rely on the people around me, who are in various stages of relationship (dating, engaged, married, etc.) to be my examples. I have to say that there are all kinds of different relationships...some people are extremely happy, some are settled, some are co-existing...but I feel like I can learn from the wisdom and knowledge of those who have gone before me. And I am ever grateful for those who have given me relationship advice or told me something I don't know.

One of the biggest traps for women, especially Christian women, is that we have that "fairytale" mentality. That some strong, handsome guy on a white horse is going to rescue us from a tall tower and whisk us away to happily-ever-after. WRONG. It just doesn't happen that way. And we are first of all wrong for thinking this, but also wrong for passing this down to future generations of women.

I'm not saying that a relationship can't be great, or extraordinary, or blissful. But relationships in general, even friendships, take work. You've got to both be committed to the relationship or it's going to go downhill super fast. Yet I think we make the mistake that once a man wins our hearts and puts a ring on our finger, that it WILL be happily ever after.

And to that I say...

It ain't gonna happen.

So I like to hear the messy stories from other people. I honestly do. It gives me a big shot of reality, and sometimes it can be hard to swallow. But I appreciate it. When a person can be real that their marriage is faltering...or the beginning of their relationship was rocky, but they have come through and are stronger on the other side...or to say that some days they wake up and think "why I am with you??" This is so good for me...because if you know me at all, you know I have these little things called expectations...and that ain't good. So recognizing that there are no guarantees (the divorce rate is now higher amongst Christians than non-Christians??? What the what??) and no promises of happily ever after is definitely a good thing for me to see.

And for now, I'm beginning to hope for a guy that is committed to us as I am. That's all I'm asking for today.

Pondering the Meaning of Life...or not...

So in my previous relationship, I had posed the question to him:

"Why are you not already married?"

And good Lord, I guess I'm finding out why. Since my post last night, I have come to the conclusion that he is not a responsible guy and I would've been pulled into his financial and emotional funnel cloud of destruction. Can we say "spared?"

I digress...

I had asked him this question just having been talking to him consistently for two weeks, so things were pretty new. It is always a question I feel I need to ask, but certainly not on the first date, unless we had been communicating on a deep level for a while. It is one that may the the potential of stinging the ego of a guy I may be interested in, but sometimes I like to ask the questions that make 'em squirm.

So tonight, as I was reviewing my online dating sites, and have gotten to a deeper communication level with one guy, I thought (like we girlies do) about the potential of a first date, then from there...I thought about when to pose this question. Which lead me to think about...

How I have answered this question myself?

Said former boyfriend did answer the question (it was not an amazing answer, for I fail to recall what he said) but then turned the question back on me...which is to be expected. I believe that my answer at the time was "I'm too picky...and I don't date."

Now that I feel like I'm on a "dating" path (which I don't know exactly how I feel about this...but that's for another post), I feel that I really need to ask myself this question for myself.

Why am I, 32 and a never-been-married single? I know it's not for a lack of looks (I'm okay at looking in the mirror) or personality (snarky and sweet at the same time!) or pretty much anything else. I think part of it is that I'm not a big dater (as you can tell). I am one of those people that tends to put 110% into everything I do, so 110% of my emotional energy (pretty much) goes into whatever I'm doing. So that means, if I'm dating, and dating casually, I'm putting my emotional energy out there 110% times X number of guys....it wears me out just thinking about it. I have had both sides of this argument, one says "go date! live a little! have fun!" and the other says "why date? it will be in God's timing"...

...so what's a girl to do?

I am going to ponder my answer a little further. To be continued...