Pondering the Meaning of Life...or not...

So in my previous relationship, I had posed the question to him:

"Why are you not already married?"

And good Lord, I guess I'm finding out why. Since my post last night, I have come to the conclusion that he is not a responsible guy and I would've been pulled into his financial and emotional funnel cloud of destruction. Can we say "spared?"

I digress...

I had asked him this question just having been talking to him consistently for two weeks, so things were pretty new. It is always a question I feel I need to ask, but certainly not on the first date, unless we had been communicating on a deep level for a while. It is one that may the the potential of stinging the ego of a guy I may be interested in, but sometimes I like to ask the questions that make 'em squirm.

So tonight, as I was reviewing my online dating sites, and have gotten to a deeper communication level with one guy, I thought (like we girlies do) about the potential of a first date, then from there...I thought about when to pose this question. Which lead me to think about...

How I have answered this question myself?

Said former boyfriend did answer the question (it was not an amazing answer, for I fail to recall what he said) but then turned the question back on me...which is to be expected. I believe that my answer at the time was "I'm too picky...and I don't date."

Now that I feel like I'm on a "dating" path (which I don't know exactly how I feel about this...but that's for another post), I feel that I really need to ask myself this question for myself.

Why am I, 32 and a never-been-married single? I know it's not for a lack of looks (I'm okay at looking in the mirror) or personality (snarky and sweet at the same time!) or pretty much anything else. I think part of it is that I'm not a big dater (as you can tell). I am one of those people that tends to put 110% into everything I do, so 110% of my emotional energy (pretty much) goes into whatever I'm doing. So that means, if I'm dating, and dating casually, I'm putting my emotional energy out there 110% times X number of guys....it wears me out just thinking about it. I have had both sides of this argument, one says "go date! live a little! have fun!" and the other says "why date? it will be in God's timing"...

...so what's a girl to do?

I am going to ponder my answer a little further. To be continued...