Pondering the Meaning of Life...or not...

So in my previous relationship, I had posed the question to him:

"Why are you not already married?"

And good Lord, I guess I'm finding out why. Since my post last night, I have come to the conclusion that he is not a responsible guy and I would've been pulled into his financial and emotional funnel cloud of destruction. Can we say "spared?"

I digress...

I had asked him this question just having been talking to him consistently for two weeks, so things were pretty new. It is always a question I feel I need to ask, but certainly not on the first date, unless we had been communicating on a deep level for a while. It is one that may the the potential of stinging the ego of a guy I may be interested in, but sometimes I like to ask the questions that make 'em squirm.

So tonight, as I was reviewing my online dating sites, and have gotten to a deeper communication level with one guy, I thought (like we girlies do) about the potential of a first date, then from there...I thought about when to pose this question. Which lead me to think about...

How I have answered this question myself?

Said former boyfriend did answer the question (it was not an amazing answer, for I fail to recall what he said) but then turned the question back on me...which is to be expected. I believe that my answer at the time was "I'm too picky...and I don't date."

Now that I feel like I'm on a "dating" path (which I don't know exactly how I feel about this...but that's for another post), I feel that I really need to ask myself this question for myself.

Why am I, 32 and a never-been-married single? I know it's not for a lack of looks (I'm okay at looking in the mirror) or personality (snarky and sweet at the same time!) or pretty much anything else. I think part of it is that I'm not a big dater (as you can tell). I am one of those people that tends to put 110% into everything I do, so 110% of my emotional energy (pretty much) goes into whatever I'm doing. So that means, if I'm dating, and dating casually, I'm putting my emotional energy out there 110% times X number of guys....it wears me out just thinking about it. I have had both sides of this argument, one says "go date! live a little! have fun!" and the other says "why date? it will be in God's timing"...

...so what's a girl to do?

I am going to ponder my answer a little further. To be continued...

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly - Your Guide to Online Dating

If I were to write a book about it, the title of this post would be the book title. That should pretty much explain it all, but let me elaborate anyway.

For several years, before I dated the guy last year that broke my heart, I had many friends and some family "encourage" (HOUND may be a better word for it) me to try online dating. So basically to make people shut up about it (and prove my point as to why it won't work for me), I tried it a few months ago. I would like to preface the following by saying that there is nothing wrong with online dating, I just don't think it's for me. And to add a little more evidence to my file, I had always felt that I wouldn't meet the guy of my dreams through this method. This is yet to be disproved.

The first step, because I am frugal, was to find a site that was free, at least for a trial. So I tried one on which a friend of mine from college had met and married her husband. Sure! Why not?

So I signed up and got a free 10-day trial....which happens to be....

GOOD #1

But can we say...FREAKSHOW? I was ready to get off of it the first day and almost cried tears of frustration. The site is set up so that you are allowed to peruse profiles and contact those who "catch your eye." And apparently I attract the freaks. The site makes you wait 24 hours before your profile pic is visible. My user name had to do with my occupation (photographer) so I get a one-liner like this:

"So I'd like to see a PHOTO of this photogirl."

I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.

And then there was the guy who kept trying to IM me on the site...and the site pretty much sucks because you can't see who is trying to IM you until you accept or decline their invitation to chat.

UGLY #1

(and I don't mean the guy....or maybe I do...hmm...)

I decided to wait it out a few more days. Luckily I did end up in contact with 2 guys who became friends of my on thee beloved Facebook. So that leads to....

GOOD #2

....but this could also be considered...

BAD #1

...seeing as it is just friendship...at least from my perspective.

So I left that online dating site. Almost 2 months later I joined another site, thinking it might, JUST MIGHT, bring me at least a date. So I sucked up my frugality and paid for three months on another site that matches you according to your profile (you prolly already know which one I'm talking about). I'm in the middle of this process. I like the fact that you can close matches if you get into it further and you just aren't "feelin' it" which is....

GOOD #3

I've been communicating with 3 guys...we'll see...I still don't think it's my bag. But I'm willing to give it a chance...

Which brings me to tonight's adventure. There's yet another big online dating site...that kinda combines the two above...you can be matched, or you can peruse....which brings me to......

BAD #2 & UGLY #2

Finding the guy (remember the one who broke my heart and left me in a puddle on the floor with tons of unanswered questions?) on this online dating site. Yes, I admit it, I specifically looked for him. And gosh darn it, it wasn't hard. He was on page 2 of my search. EPIC SUCK.

Which brings me to....

BAD #3 & UGLY #3

...discovering I'm still not completely over him. It was like a punch to the stomach. Although I know he's dated women since we've dated, even seriously dated someone, it still stings. BIG TIME.

So in all my efforts to try to move on, to deliberately and purposefully take those steps and do something I so completely hated, I'm back at square one. Again.

I think I'll go see if I have any other matches....hmmm...

Such is Life

So here's a bit of my story. I'll try to be brief.

After 10 long years of being single, I finally met the man of my dreams (or re-met him, I should say). He was someone I knew from my hometown and growing up. His family moved away while we were still in elementary school. My sister was his classmate back then and was always curious to know what happened. So we did what any person would do...we searched for him on Facebook. To make a long story even longer, we found him...and thus began our story.

We got serious quickly...he set the pace for the relationship. I was fine with it. I had plans to relocate to be close to him and we were talking dates for a wedding. Almost four months later, I am a mess on the carpet in a puddle of tears. Unexpected dumpage (well, kinda)...he had acted strange for about a week and a half, so I can't say completely unexpected.

So here I am...left with a LOT of unanswered questions, but trying to move on all the same. Here are the stories of this life, now that I have a new perspective. You may not like it (I am a Christian, so that will color a lot of what I say on here), but this is what it is...and such is life.