Why Do I Do This?

Oh yes...the question I ask myself numerous times a day over numerous things...

But today I ask myself this in reference to the whole online dating thing. I'm generally not a big dater in general, so I guess it's somewhat unfamiliar territory for me. Not that I am a complete moron when it comes to dating...I just prefer not to do it as I feel like I allow myself to get my heart too involved only to be disappointed, let down or completely hurt. So apparently dating creates fear in me. Yet I am willing to seriously date a guy, which takes exponentially greater risks of the heart. My own assessment of the situation says that I don't like the process of getting to the seriousness. Especially when there is more than one guy involved.

So right now, my heart is really not in the online dating game. Yes, I check it twice a day (sometimes three times if I'm feelin' it a bit). It brings up the remaining amounts of not being over my ex...and it also just always feels so forced to me. I have found in my life that the relationships that I have deemed "successful" (I use this term lightly, and to describe a relationship longer than a year) have happened completely naturally. And the chemistry was there. In the online dating arena, it's hard to feel that chemistry...and again, I say, it feels forced. Which is why I also don't like set-ups (you can find my reasons for disliking set-ups here). 

I've got 2 1/2 more months (at least) on this site (that I'm paying for). I also joined another site which is pretty much free, but I am contemplating pulling my profile from there considering it's the one I found my ex on...

So my conclusions? I pretty much hate online dating. So all you people out there that suggest it to your single friends, keep the above mentioned thoughts at the top of your mind before you do. Just sayin'...

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly - Your Guide to Online Dating

If I were to write a book about it, the title of this post would be the book title. That should pretty much explain it all, but let me elaborate anyway.

For several years, before I dated the guy last year that broke my heart, I had many friends and some family "encourage" (HOUND may be a better word for it) me to try online dating. So basically to make people shut up about it (and prove my point as to why it won't work for me), I tried it a few months ago. I would like to preface the following by saying that there is nothing wrong with online dating, I just don't think it's for me. And to add a little more evidence to my file, I had always felt that I wouldn't meet the guy of my dreams through this method. This is yet to be disproved.

The first step, because I am frugal, was to find a site that was free, at least for a trial. So I tried one on which a friend of mine from college had met and married her husband. Sure! Why not?

So I signed up and got a free 10-day trial....which happens to be....

GOOD #1

But can we say...FREAKSHOW? I was ready to get off of it the first day and almost cried tears of frustration. The site is set up so that you are allowed to peruse profiles and contact those who "catch your eye." And apparently I attract the freaks. The site makes you wait 24 hours before your profile pic is visible. My user name had to do with my occupation (photographer) so I get a one-liner like this:

"So I'd like to see a PHOTO of this photogirl."

I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.

And then there was the guy who kept trying to IM me on the site...and the site pretty much sucks because you can't see who is trying to IM you until you accept or decline their invitation to chat.

UGLY #1

(and I don't mean the guy....or maybe I do...hmm...)

I decided to wait it out a few more days. Luckily I did end up in contact with 2 guys who became friends of my on thee beloved Facebook. So that leads to....

GOOD #2

....but this could also be considered...

BAD #1

...seeing as it is just friendship...at least from my perspective.

So I left that online dating site. Almost 2 months later I joined another site, thinking it might, JUST MIGHT, bring me at least a date. So I sucked up my frugality and paid for three months on another site that matches you according to your profile (you prolly already know which one I'm talking about). I'm in the middle of this process. I like the fact that you can close matches if you get into it further and you just aren't "feelin' it" which is....

GOOD #3

I've been communicating with 3 guys...we'll see...I still don't think it's my bag. But I'm willing to give it a chance...

Which brings me to tonight's adventure. There's yet another big online dating site...that kinda combines the two above...you can be matched, or you can peruse....which brings me to......

BAD #2 & UGLY #2

Finding the guy (remember the one who broke my heart and left me in a puddle on the floor with tons of unanswered questions?) on this online dating site. Yes, I admit it, I specifically looked for him. And gosh darn it, it wasn't hard. He was on page 2 of my search. EPIC SUCK.

Which brings me to....

BAD #3 & UGLY #3

...discovering I'm still not completely over him. It was like a punch to the stomach. Although I know he's dated women since we've dated, even seriously dated someone, it still stings. BIG TIME.

So in all my efforts to try to move on, to deliberately and purposefully take those steps and do something I so completely hated, I'm back at square one. Again.

I think I'll go see if I have any other matches....hmmm...